Confession of the Day: Belly Gazing

If it's true that we're predisposed to characteristics of our parents--good or bad--boy oh boy, did I catch a doozy from my dad. Particularly, during my teenage years, I can clearly remember my dad criticizing--that's putting it midly--people, especially women, for being overweight.

"Ughh!" He'd unapologetically say. "These women are just lazy, letting themselves go like that. Who do they think is going to want them with all that fat on their bodies?"

Think I'm exaggerating? I'm not! Seriously! He would even talk about my mother, who wasn't even a big woman. But just the fact that she wasn't as skinny as she was as a teenager and young adult was enough to be on his "unsightly" radar.

But there's good and bad news. The bad news is that I'm not nearly as bad as my dad, but, I do possess his critical eye. And, like my dad, my primary target is women because, unfortunately, society dictates that it's okay for men to get fat. They can still be considered desirable. Since becoming a skinnyfat, when I come into contact with other women, my eyes automatically gaze toward their stomachs. It's become somewhat of an addiction. Anyway, if the stomach is fat I cringe for two different reasons:

1. It's unsightly
2. It's like looking in a mirror at how I look to the outside world.

On the other hand, if it's flat--or close to it--a myriad of thoughts ramble through my mind. Among them are:

1. What did I eat today? What did she eat?
2. Are small stomachs genetic in her family?
3. How often does this woman exercise?
4. Did she have a tummy tuck?

Crazy, right? I know. Believe me, I chastise myself each and every time. But that doesn't stop me from doing the same thing over and over again. It's a vicious, insane cycle!